oday RetardedPirate.com became an international phenomenon. That's right, this morning I received my first bit of fan mail from our charming neighbors to the west, the British. And here it is, recreated verbatim for your reading pleasurement:

From: 133tsp4mm3r@britain.uk
To: one_eyed_petey@retardedpirate.com

What the hell is wrong with you?

I can only assume that this considerate reader is inquiring as to where I have been in the past few weeks and why there has been no update. Well, if you didn't get the punchline to last week's joke, then I'll tell you: I've been taking finals. But never fear. I'm alright now, the scars have mostly healed and I can sit down again, so long as I use one of those rubber donut pillows. In addition I've nearly forgotten all of my course material for the past semester. I've weathered the academic storm and now I'm coming back full-blown and soon enough there will be a full-fledged update.

To commemorate this momentus occasion (that is, my being famous and all, not the finals), I am creating a mailing list. If you want to be emailed every time one of my sporadic updates hits the interwebnetsite then click here or just email me at one_eyed_petey@retardedpirate.com and mention that you'd like to be part of me eXtra Special Pirate Club. Simple as A B 4.

Now that I've got the fame, it's only a matter of time before fortune follows. And that, my friends, is when I can get the women. I'm going home now, for the holidays. To make sure that fat bastard St. Nick didn't shit in my stocking again. I'll return in a week and perhaps then I shall awe you once more with my amazing wit. Until then, here is every third word from next week's update:

the for kids some in of alcohol making drink presidential Not-Fucking-Likely pressing that warning junk fucktard to not you jelly or high-sugar soda to but have it’s affect

Ok, I'm bored of that game. Anyway, Merry Christmas.

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