eah, yeah. I know I’ve been lax in updating recently but I’ve been busy. I work full time. I go to school full time. And I drink full time. In fact, I think I may be an alcoholic.
So, I just took my first midterm of the semester and now I’m sitting alone, in my room, sippin’ on Bud Light. The queen of beers. Three down, the rest of a twelve pack sitting on the desk beside me like so many silently cylindrical companions.
I’m halfway done now. Good thing these are only 220 calories. Six beers, at 220 calories, that’s like at least 500 calories. Damn. Maybe I should go out tonight. To a bar, maybe. So Icould at least drink wif other people. Naaaah, beer’sss cheaper here. Didja know they charge like seven bugs a pitcher. Bucks even. Not bugs, bucks. And I bought this twelve pack for like ten bucks. Fuck that shit. Fuck, only three beers left. Ya’know. I like Kips’s. It’sh a bar. No one but college kids… go there. It’s a bar. Did I say that already? Fuck. Lotsha hot young chicks. There wash thish one chick, thish one time, and she’s all cute and shit but then this guy came up. And he’ wash like “what? Whatchu starin’ at my girlfriend fo’?” and so I’m like “what?” and he’s like “bitch!” and I’m like “no, you da bitch.” And boy, that chick she’s got nice cans. Then he’s like all fuck you fucker. No, fck you. Then step up, fothermucker. And he’s like then step, fucker. And I’m steppin’ and he gets all shcared and shhhhhit ‘cause I’m PD and IO’m so badassssssssss. He din’t know who he was deallllling with. Don’t fuck with me mutha fuckckkakakaa, I’ll chitty chitty bang bang yo’ ass then stick a Toot Sweet™ right in your eye. HOW DO YOU expect to get any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?!>? Shit. I’m outta beer, hang on a sec………ok, on to the Olde English 40. So, where was I? Oh, yeah, Kip’s. So this guy, he’s like “Hey, you can’t [piss here@!” What you mean I can’t piss here? He was big. I think he’s like a bouncer or something. “That’s the sink,” he was saying, “you can’t piss in the chink. No, sink. He said sink.” Fuck you. I piss where I want. Biooootch. “No, you the bitch,” he said. Then he ninja’d me and suddenly I’m like on my back, on the sidewalk outside Kip’s. Fuck.
And then I’m home. I walked. I think. Fuckin’ bushes, though. Kept jumping up at me as I’m trying to wok down thee sidewalllk. Fuck you, i’ss not funny. It’s harfder than it looks. When the sidewalks like buckling an bending and swerving like that. But I’m home now. But the key don’t work. I pound on that shit. The door. Light comes on and some chfucker opens the door. Wait. Who the fuck are you? And what are you doig in my housese? What you mean I don’t live here? No, you’re the drunk fuckuckuck. Fuck you. Who the fuck moved my goddamn house? Fuck you, I’ll find it.
Wher am I? Wh o the fuck are you? And why the fuck aer you chining a ligh in my eyes. Ey-ey-ey-eyes. No, I’m bnot drunk, go the fuck away. What you mean publinc drunkiness? You’re not a cop. Oh. You are? Fuck. Yeah I’m jus’ going homme, Osifer. Offifer. Officer. Yeah, sure I’ll be on my way. I thinik I’lm home now. Yeah, this looksh like my room. Fuck, Ther’s vomit all down my leg. Hwere’d that come fromomoM? Fuckthishit I’m going to bed.
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