n her ninety-sixth birthday Gertrude's fourth husband died. This made her sad. So sad, in fact, that she decided that she no longer wanted to live. After a bit of thought, Gertrude decided that the best way to do the deed would be to shoot herself in heart. Unfortunately, being an American educated in public schools, she had no idea where her heart was. Calling up her doctor, Gerty asks "Where is the heart located?"

The doctor, puzzled, but helpful, responds: "Your heart is about two inches below your left nipple."

Gertrude thanks the doctor and hangs up. Retreating to her room, she digs her late husband's revolver out of an old trunk, loads it and prepares herself for the great beyond. In a moment, she is all psyched up. She cocks the pistol. And then she shoots herself in the left knee.




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